Happy Anniversary

Weren't we the cutest little things?? Could either of us have imagined on August 19, 1995 where we'd be today? Three lovely and lively kids...our little house...both working in vibrant ministries that focus on Kingdom work...and a marriage that gets better and better with time. I like walking this journey with you and look forward to growing old with you (except for the annoying old man habits you are already developing). I love you.

So Much For Flattery

This is what happens when you have a marriage built on honesty...

Allan: You sure do have a lot of gray in your hair.
Kristi: It's true. Should I color it?
Allan: Hmmm...yes.

Okay, then. There you have it. Don't hold back, hon, really.

We're Communicating

Anyone who has a spouse (or a co-worker, sibling, parent, child...) knows that healthy relationships take work. A lot of work. There are a million factors at play when two people live together day after day and have chosen for there to not be an "out". Personality differences, exhaustion, childhood baggage, temptations, parenting styles, physical stressors, financial difficulties, family obligations, work decisions, and a million other factors can eat away or enhance a relationship, depending on how the couple manages the journey and by the grace and strength of God.

Here's some good advice from Psychology Today:

Want to predict the outcome of a spousal spat? Tally up pronouns. The person who says "we" the most during an argument puts forward the best solutions, according to a study in Psychological Science. "We"-users may have a sense of shared interest that sparks compromises and other ideas pleasing to both partners. "You"-sayers, on the contrary, tend to criticize, disagree, justify and otherwise teem with negativity. When one partner complains that he or she feels under attack, the other can ease the tension by rephrasing sentences to use the winning "we."

Let me try this: "We are late again because we don't care about being on time. This makes us really angry because we feel like we don't care about respecting others feelings. We are such a dork sometimes! Why don't we just listen to ourselves?? We're sorry for losing our cool." I think they're on to something. We feel better, don't we?

Question #1

My friend Jennifer, over at Creative Outlet Labs has introduced her readers to Canadian executive coach Michael Bungay Stanier and his 5 3/4 Questions You've Been Avoiding. I figure that if I work through one question per day, I'll be a whole new person by mid-afternoon on Saturday!

What's going well for you?

My marriage is probably my greatest team success story. Allan and I talk deeply, argue well, laugh often, and genuinely enjoy each other.

My kids are not out-of-control and I have not caused them any intentional physical harm (how's that for looking at the positive!). Although parenting is a tough process, my children are generally sweet kids who hug me a lot, make me laugh, and dance & wrestle with me with reckless abandon. They are healthy, active, and on target developmentally.

We are financially stable. We have a home and a car and can pay our bills on time (or close to it).

I have a wonderful extended family to whom I am immensely proud to be related. Everyone is healthy. No one is too much of embarrassment to handle.

My job is one for which I feel deep passion.

I am enjoying the age I am, the health I have, and the ways I am growing mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.

Although we do not connect as much as I would like, there are seasoned friendships in my life that bring me much peace.

We get to live in Portland - a place I deeply love (especially on a sunny fall day like today).