I love surprising my kids. I've learned not to tell them that we "might" go to the Carousel at Jantzen Beach or that I'll "think about" pick up a trinket for them. There is much greater joy in giving them a special treat when it is unexpected.
God is our Father, so I believe He feels the same way towards me, His child.
This last couple of months have been a bit of a rough road for me. I have struggled with depression, resentment, and confusion that stemmed from a myriad of sources. I also could sense God humbling me, which frankly, I didn't like one bit. Then came the fateful week at the end of March when I lost my keys, my iPhone, and my wedding ring. I was beginning to wonder if I could be trusted with anything of value, including my own children's lives!
In my humility, I prayed many times a day something like this:
I know this stuff doesn't really matter at all; I know it has absolutely no significance in the eternal scope of things. I feel selfish and petty even bothering you with it. I also know that you find pleasure in gifting me with the desires of my heart; so please, Lord, show me where they are. As the days and weeks past, I honestly did not lose hope. I believed that the Lord would reveal to me my phone & ring (keys had been found right away). My anxiety did grow, though, as I anticipated my two trips this month. I really wanted a ring on my finger when I was going to be away from Allan for so many days in a row. And how on earth was I going to navigate, photograph, & twitter my way through L.A. & New York without my iPhone?!!
Fast forward to this past Monday, the day before I left for Pepperdine. I was praying my same prayer for the millionth time as I packed for my trip, fully expecting the Lord to show me my phone, when
ta-da!, there was a glint of something shiny under the leg of my dresser.
MY RING! Oh, thank you Lord. I knowm this symbol of my marriage is more valuable in every way to a silly electronic gadget. Thank you!That afternoon, after listening to me bemoan again the anguish I felt about going on this trip without my phone, Allan said, "Let's go. We're getting you an iPhone for your birthday." On the drive there, I felt strangely torn. I used this phrase to describe it to Allan:
I feel unfaithful. I feel unfaithful because I believe the Lord desires to give me this gift in His time. Allan soothed me with words of comfort and release from guilt, and we made the purchase. I was absolutely giddy with the reunion (and yes, I absolutely know how terribly ridiculous it sounds to be so emotional about a phone, but you have to consider my emotional state for the previous months, and hey, it's an iPhone!).
Later that evening, as we're getting everything on the new phone just so, it rings.
Guess what we found? says my mom,
Your cell phone! After we talked a minute, I quietly hung up. The tears began to flow as I shared the news with Allan. The tears had absolutely nothing to do with a phone that had been found; they have everything to do with a Lord who takes pleasure in granting the desires of my heart. There is no way, in no one's explanation, that all of that was coincidence. For over a month my wedding ring and cell phone had been missing. Then the day before I leave on my trip, both items are found in two different places, by two different people.
The last couple of months have been tough, no doubt about it. But I was profoundly reminded through this story that I serve a God who cares. I serve a God who, with millions of children to watch over, many who are hurting in ways I could never understand, He remembered me and delighted in granting me a little gift.
